Breaking News: The “Mighty Croz” Strain — Because What Could Go Wrong?
In a shocking development that can only be described as the best business idea since the invention of the lava lamp, legendary musician David Crosby, the human embodiment of shaggy hair and good vibes, is officially launching a cannabis strain. Brace yourselves for "Mighty Croz," because, clearly, nothing screams 2023 like a 76-year-old rock star getting into the weed business.
Crosby, the founding father of both The Byrds and that iconic quartet Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young (also known as the original traffic jam at Woodstock), has decided that his achievements in music weren’t enough. No, he needs to go full Cheech & Chong and enter the marijuana ring. As if we needed more reasons to think the ’60s are still haunting us—now they’re literally coming back to life in the form of highly questionable cannabis.
With the fervor of a man who just found out his favorite Netflix series was renewed, Crosby shared with High Times that he’s aiming to partner with a leading cannabis company. Because why not? It’s not like he’s got anything else to do but roll some joints while lamenting the tiny royalties he gets from streaming services. Isn’t it adorable how he thinks “Mighty Croz” will be “the highest quality”? A strain that could probably knock your socks off, assuming you can remember where they are after consumption!
But wait, there’s more! Crosby’s marketing plan appears to be aimed solely at Baby Boomers—those ancient warriors of the counterculture who’ve been waiting for something to finally convince them to stop sending their grandkids only family photos. "Because it’s fun," he quips, proving that he’s still the life of the party… if that party involves reminiscing about the good old days over a vegan kale wrap and a strong herbal tea.
And let’s not overlook the target demographic, shall we? Apparently, his audience consists of people who not only know the phrase "If I Could Only Remember My Name" but might also need help remembering where they placed their glasses. Just imagine a room full of nostalgic boomers jolting back into the present over a few puffs of “Mighty Croz,” while debating whether "daytime disco" is a legitimate reason to get high on a Tuesday afternoon.
But Crosby is not merely interested in selling weed. No, he sees himself as a visionary—much like the great automotive CEOs of the 1950s. Yes, he envisions a future where big cannabis companies gobble each other up like they’re in a game of corporate Pac-Man. Who knew that the path to becoming the cannabis kingpin of the universe involved strategic acquisitions and a keychain filled with corporate power broker contacts?
In a delightful twist, Crosby assures us that his preferred method of getting high these days is vaping. Because traditional smoking is so last century… right? He’s on the cutting edge of weed technology, claiming that any extract with his name will be free of "aftertaste or chemicals." Spoiler alert: good luck finding that in the marijuana jungle!
Now let’s pause for a quick history lesson. Crosby’s relationship with harder drugs is more famous than his majestic beard, which has seen things that would make grown men weep. With a past that includes a five-month stint in a Texas prison (cheers to bad life choices!), he now has the wisdom of ancient sages—proclaiming cannabis as the safest way to get “loaded.” Because, remember folks, the human race has always liked getting high—and now we can do it with a full musical soundtrack!
As he gears up for a European tour to promote his latest album, “Sky Trails” (which we assume is the soundtrack to his latest adventures in herb), the world waits with bated breath for the arrival of “Mighty Croz.” Will it be the next big hit, or just another strain added to the cannabis graveyard next to “Hawaiian Pizza” and “Disappointing Expectations”? Stay tuned!
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , hightimes.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
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