Breaking News: The Phrase "Shit Happens" Declared National Treasure, Scholarship Faces Severe Uphill Battle
In a landmark revelation of earth-shattering news (insert sarcastic eye-roll here), the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill has crowned the phrase “Shit happens” as its newest cultural banner. This distinguished achievement traces back to 1983, when some courageous, unnamed female student threw caution to the wind and shared her profound wisdom on an index card during class. Who knew this would become the literary equivalent of discovering fire?
The student was apparently inspired by a peer who, after disastrously flunking a test, graced the air with a heartfelt “that shit happens.” And thus, an icon was born! If only the student had known that her phrase would one day grace the pages of the Yale Book of Quotations—a scholarly treasure trove for all weekend warriors of wordplay!
The mastermind behind this legendary discovery? Connie Eble, an unassuming professor who now bears the heavy burden of association with what can only be described as a modern-day Shakespearean quote. Connie has reportedly expressed bemusement at her newfound claim to fame. “Will this never die?” she exclaimed, as if narrating a horror movie about the relentless spread of a mildly amusing catchphrase. One can only imagine her waking up at night in a cold sweat, haunted by the mantra that encapsulates the human condition.
We now return to the glorious decade of the 1980s, a golden period for existential musings, with other major hits including "Life’s a bitch, and then you die," and "Been there, done that," both of which sound like something your moody cousin might scrawl in the margins of their diary. Who knew that malaise could be such fertile ground for quotes?
Of course, the phrase didn’t stop at the local college campus. It has wormed its way into the lexicon of every movie buff, appearing in luminaries such as Forrest Gump and Point Break—because nothing says “great cinema” like Keanu Reeves affirming that “shit happens.” And why not follow that up with a quotable line like, "When they fall on you, you won’t back down and they’ll have to burn your ass to the ground"? Clearly, the art of rotten luck has never been better articulated, but can it beat the poetic marvel of, “This dude ran through a pile of dog crap”? One can only hope.
As we bask in the glory of this momentous occasion, the credits roll on the rise of a phrase that encapsulates apathy, acceptance, and the inevitable chaos of life. Remember, folks, the next time you spill coffee on yourself or your cat knocks over a vase, you can channel your inner college student and simply say, “Shit happens.” Just be sure to thank Professor Eble for her unwavering dedication to the art of relatable catchphrases.
Stay tuned as we track the evolution of life’s beautifully messy disasters. If something’s gotta give, let’s face it—one phrase at a time, it’s bound to happen.
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , www.atlasobscura.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
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