BREAKING: Fetterman Goes Full Pothead, Biden Might Just Be His Stoner Sidekick
In a twinkling of fate on Labor Day 2022, John Fetterman—Pennsylvania’s very own hoodie-wearing superhero—found himself in a room with none other than President Joe "Suit-and-Tie" Biden. And what was on the agenda, you ask? Oh, just the small matter of legalizing marijuana. Because why wouldn’t the guy who can’t get enough of that comfy fashion suggest the country go all-in on the reefer?
"Go big or go home!" Fetterman exclaimed, probably while spinning a yarn about how he once inhaled… pizza. And how did President Biden respond? With all the enthusiasm of a grandparent discovering TikTok, he replied, “Yeah, absolutely.” Yep, folks, two award-winning politicians just dropped the hottest weed commentary since Cheech and Chong made a comeback.
Meanwhile, in a spectacular twist akin to a soap opera with bad wigs, the Justice Department decided this was the perfect time to consider lightening up on federal marijuana restrictions—perhaps in hopes that one day, we magically transform back to a simpler, less stressed time when the biggest worry was whether or not the ice cream man would show up. Fetterman, rocking his signature “I just got out of bed” look, boasted about advising Biden on all things cannabis and fashion, presumably while comparing berry strains to fine wine.
Biden, described as more of a “statesman” than a “stoner,” is now leading the charge to elevate his coolness factor with younger voters. I mean, who needs a bold foreign policy when you’ve got teenagers chanting, “Legalize it, Joe!” outside the White House?
But not everyone is satisfied. Representative Earl Blumenauer, a grandpa who has been fighting for marijuana reform longer than most of us have owned a smartphone, implored Biden to embrace the high—literally and figuratively. His words? “Hey, Joe! You’ve gotta let people know you’re on the ‘chill’ train. This is a game-changer!”
And there you have it, folks! The President is now “pardon”ing people like they’re hotcakes at brunch, and Fetterman is just one phrase away from being crowned the High Commissioner of Cannabis. Will this spark a revolution of groovy vibes and peace signs? Or will it simply end in a cloud of smoke and a collective “whoops”? Either way, grab your popcorn—it’s about to get lit! 🌿💨
🚨 Disclaimer Alert! 🚨
Before you start drafting conspiracy theories on your fridge with magnets—just know this is satire! For the actual, no-nonsense, non-bong-infused version of this news story, head over to , www.nytimes.com (where facts wear suits and don’t tell jokes).
We highly recommend reading both versions—one for the truth, and one for the chaotic energy you didn’t know you needed. 😆🔥
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